Hello!

Hubby and I spent part of an afternoon upgrading our cell phones last week. Boy, they are expensive. Why did we do that? We don’t like talking on the phone much, but our old phones would no longer accept new apps. Our phones would soon become useless, so we had no choice but to stay on the cutting edge.

For example, we were recently in San Francisco, a city trying out the new self-driving WAYMO car system. We were anxious to ride in one of the 300 driverless vehicles, but our phones were too outdated to download the necessary app, so we missed out on that adventure. The sleek, all-electric WAYMO Jaguars are ubiquitous on the city streets. When a WAYMO vehicle arrives at the pickup spot, the prospective passenger’s initials flash in lights on top of the car. Hubby’s initials are “JC,” which may have caused a stir flashing in neon in that largely hedonistic city.

Back to our new phones, a senior gentleman was also in the cell phone store, meeting with another sales representative. I wish I could have recorded the conversation we overheard. He was attempting to change cell phone providers, but his current provider insisted he could not take his old phone number with him. He loudly complained to someone on his phone, “I’ve had the same phone number for thirty years, and I’m not about to give it up!” For an instant, I thought, what is the big deal about changing to a new phone number?

Upon reflection, I realized that changing one’s phone number after thirty years was a big deal! Think how this would affect his ease and convenience of communicating with friends and relatives! So, this man continued to argue his case. He made several calls and finally prevailed. He looked exhausted but satisfied. I was proud of him.

So, I started thinking more about cell phones. Some people look more at their phone screens than at their environment. Having a cell phone with you does alleviate some safety concerns. Hubby always makes sure I take my phone with me when I leave the house. Once at the grocery store, I called him to ask about some item or other. He responded, “Honey, you shouldn’t really call unless it’s important!” That was the last time I called him from the grocery store.

When deciding what model phone to get, we told the sales representative we didn’t want all the possible bells and whistles – just the basics! She said, “We have the iPhone SE phone for seniors.” After learning about that phone, we realized we wanted more features, so we got the iPhone 13. We completed the transaction, and the data transfer from our old phones began.

The sales representative was amazed at how quickly our data was transferred. She said transferring all the photos, videos, and other data from most people’s phones usually took much longer. She commented that with such little data, we must use our phones sparingly. Since we’ve had our phones for seven years, we are in the Dark Ages in her eyes.

Speaking of the Dark Ages, we all know Alexander Graham Bell invented the telephone, but did you know necessity was the mother of that precious invention? Bell’s mother’s hearing was failing, so a clever young Alexander found that speaking to her in a deep, resonant voice close to her ear helped her hearing. This early experimentation and his father’s strong encouragement motivated Bell to continue his research into acoustics. The telephone was eventually born after Bell hooked up with a brilliant 20-year-old electrical engineer, Thomas Watson, and they conducted numerous experiments.

The first words spoken by Bell at the birth of his telephone were, “Mr Watson, come here – I want to see you.” Thomas Edison was the first to use the greeting “Hello” when answering the telephone. That greeting—rather than the staid “Ahoy” that Bell used—has remained the standard telephone greeting.

I remember our first phone as a kid. You had to crank it. It was a party line, and we were given a specific series of rings – ours was three long and one short. Of course, we could hear other combinations of rings on the party line. Mom knew all the neighbors’ rings. Frequently, she would eavesdrop when she heard a neighbor getting a call. We girls were warned within an inch of our lives to be quiet and not alert the neighbor that someone was listening. Over time, Mom knew everything happening in our small community and, for that reason, almost stopped her subscription to the local paper. As a practical matter, she could have written the local paper!

Then came the dial phone. We were still on a party line but didn’t know if another party was using it until we picked up the phone. If we picked it up quietly with someone on the line – we could eavesdrop without being detected. It was a relief and a minor disappointment when we finally got our private line. Do you suppose we were the only ones who listened in on the party line? Living in such a small community, eavesdropping was often the highlight of one’s day. There were no secrets!

When my girlfriends got together, we often played jokes on the telephone. We would call someone’s grandmother and ask, “Is your refrigerator running?” Worried, Grandma would go check it immediately. Returning to the phone, she would say with relief, “Yes, it is.” So what did we brats do? Giggling, we would say, “Then go catch it!” and giggle even more. Fortunately, we never got caught, or we probably would not be alive today. Hubby said, as a teenager, they would call grocery stores and ask if they had Prince Albert (tobacco) in a can or Phillip Morris (cigarettes) in a carton. If the grocer said yes, one of their punch lines would be, “Well, please let him out – his supper is getting cold!”

I lived overseas for many years. Returning to the US and setting up a new household, I visited the gas, water, electricity, and telephone companies. I had to make a phone call from one of those offices, and the assistant pointed to a telephone at a nearby desk. It was a push-button phone. There was no dial! I had never seen one before and didn’t know how to use it. When I told the clerk, she looked at me in disbelief. She was kind, however, and when I explained that I had been out of the country for years, she helped me make the call.

Phone numbers have occasionally given me aggravation and some entertainment as well. Remember when we had a number to get the correct time? Unfortunately, I had a phone number that was only one digit off that number. People would call and ask, “What time is it?” At first, I would explain that they dialed the wrong number and give them the correct one. It didn’t take me long to realize this was too time-consuming, so I would simply tell them what time it was. Occasionally, I would give them the wrong time if I felt mischievous. When it was time for the bars to close I would be deluged with calls! I eventually realized that the voice announcing the time was a very breathy, sexy female. I think many men called just to hear that sultry voice!

I remember the trick phone numbers. Some were pornographic. The tricksters in my office would leave a note on a guy’s desk to return a phone call – usually a bachelor. I recall one time, in great anticipation, the office impatiently waited for one fellow to make the call. We stifled our giggles as we watched him as he listened and listened. Then, a hilarious thing happened. He dialed it again! Of course, we all laughed even more – embarrassing him to no end. One time, I was the victim. I got tricked into calling a number on how to survive menopause. Remember, this was over thirty years ago, and nobody was politically correct!

Some things said on the phone are inadvertent. When my son was about five, I was busy and asked him to answer the phone. The call was for me. What did he do? He asked aloud, “Mom, are you home or not?” Should I have reprimanded him? Probably. I didn’t. Why. Because I was the one who told him to ask me if I was home. I failed to instruct him to ask me quietly so the caller couldn’t hear him.

Then, there are the occasional accidental or butt calls. Sometimes, a call or text may not be terminated as one thinks, and things that weren’t meant to be seen or heard get through. This almost happened to Hubby. He was dictating a text, inviting people over for dinner. When he thought the text had finished recording, he said to me, “I hope they ask if they can bring something as we are low on beer.” Then he looked at the text message about to be sent and realized the phone had picked up what he had just said. Yikes! Fortunately, he erased that last comment before sending the text. Within a brief time of receiving his text, our dinner guests asked if they could bring something. Go figure!

One pet peeve I have is shoppers constantly on the phone, paying no mind to what they are saying or where they are going. Can’t it wait? Sometimes, it can be pretty amusing. I recall once at a drug store when I overheard a young woman on her cell phone asking someone the most provocative sexual questions. She was on the other side of the aisle from me. Out of curiosity, I peeked around the corner to see what she was asking about—prophylactics—oh my!

I’m looking forward to using my new iPhone. I love Call Waiting. You can answer the call, place it on hold, or send it to voice mail. It is also fun choosing your personal ringtones. You can even select a specific ringtone or song for each unique caller. For instance, a friend’s ringtone is the song “I’m So Excited” whenever her husband calls her. When Hubby calls me, I wonder what song I should choose for my ringtone. Do you have any ideas? [Editor’s note: How about Little Darling?]

What are your experiences or attitudes about telephones and their use? Any suggestions for a ringtone song for Hubby’s calls to me? Our readers appreciate your comments!