Lend Me Your Ears

Being surrounded by senior friends with differing degrees of hearing loss, I’ve had several requests to write a post about hearing. I’ve hesitated writing on this delicate subject because I didn’t want to appear insensitive to a disability which I (according to Hubby) am also beginning to suffer!

Therefore, although I empathize with people who are hard of hearing, I must admit it can sometimes be annoying. Roberta Raves doesn’t usually rave about sensitive subjects like hearing loss, but being at a loss for a better topic, I thought I would give it a go. I hope you don’t find it too “earitating!”

Hearing loss has been around since the dawn of humanity. From the 13th to the 19th century, the hard of hearing would hollow out animal horns and hold them up to their ears to amplify sound. What kind of animal horns, you may ask? History says cow and ram horns. They ruled out Texas longhorns, whose horns span 7 feet tip to tip and weigh up to 100 pounds. Can you imagine using those horns?

Hearing aids have come a long way since then. Beginning in the 17th century, musical instrument makers made ear trumpets for well-to-do clients. Several clever methods of amplifying a person’s hearing were developed over the next hundred years, but personal vanity always restrained progress—no one wanted the devices to show!

Modern hearing aids began with the invention of the telephone, and the first electric hearing aid was created in 1898. The technology of hearing aids wound its way through decades of vacuum tubes, transistors, integrated circuits, and miniaturization until today’s version was finally introduced. While early hearing aids had to be manually adjusted for the sound level, the newer digital models adjust themselves.

Medically, there are now cochlear implants. A cochlear implant is a small, complex electronic device that can provide sound to a person who is profoundly deaf or severely hard of hearing. Cochlear implants work by creating a new pathway within the ear. These devices don’t fully restore hearing but can improve the user’s ability to understand speech and hear other sounds.

What about the stethoscope? A French doctor, Renae Laennec, invented it by initially rolling up a tube and placing it on the patient’s chest to hear the heartbeat. His hearing was fine; he just felt uncomfortable putting his ear directly on a woman’s chest. [That probably ruined it for the many doctors who didn’t mind placing their ear on a woman’s chest!]

Some people who wear hearing aids are unhappy because they find them uncomfortable – and others try to hide the fact they are wearing them. But not all are so inclined. Some hearing aids are attached to a visible string or lanyard to keep them from falling out! I actually knew one man who would attach one of those lanyards to his ear so that when his co-workers saw it, they would speak louder, saving him the cost of purchasing a hearing aid!

While seeking a degree in speech pathology, I took several courses in hearing disorders. One final exam included drawing and describing the malleus, incus, and stapes. (For you greenhorns, that’s the hammer, anvil, and stirrup.) I panicked because I knew each of those bones but wasn’t good at drawing. Hooray! My exam grade was excellent because the professor said while my drawings were lousy, I explained each element perfectly. I don’t know what he expected – my degree was in speech, not art!

There are many reasons for hearing loss, a major one being the inevitable aging process. The tiny hair cells in our ears that transmit sound get old and die. I’m afraid I have to disagree with that medical explanation. I think those hairs have moved down to my chin due to gravity!

Loss of hearing can be as severe a human disability as loss of sight, yet while blind people get a special federal tax deduction of $1,000 or more, people who are hard of hearing get nothing. The deduction is to compensate for the expenses one incurs if blind. Well, guess what? People who are hard of hearing also incur additional costs. Blind people probably had a better lobby than people who were deaf or hard of hearing. If I should ever run for office, that will be a central plank in my platform, along with eliminating daylight savings time!

I recently heard about an older woman who is hard of hearing and is postponing buying hearing aids. She had cancer, but it’s been in remission for years. After her next appointment with her oncologist, she will decide whether or not to buy hearing aids. She says it will be worth the investment if he thinks she will live for another year! Although she is pretty well-to-do, she is also extremely frugal, much to her family’s dismay.

While playing bridge the other day, one of the senior players yelled, “Quiet! You are all talking too loud!” The hard-of-hearing senior players all turned, looked at her, and said in unison, “WHAT?”

Some of my friends have dogs that have eaten their hearing aids. They must be cautious about where they place them but sometimes forget. If they do catch the dog, they yell, “Drop it!” Of course, the dog ignores them—maybe it can’t hear them?

Do you ever get a blockage in your ears and use the Valsalva Maneuver to clear that temporary blockage? According to the National Institute of Health, the Valsalva maneuver is the forced expiration against a closed glottis. It mimics many normal and, in some cases, routine activities, such as straining during defecation, blowing up a balloon, or playing the saxophone. [Reading this, I don’t think going to the bathroom or playing my saxophone will ever be the same!]

My ears often get blocked while flying, and I pinch my nose and Valsalvate to regain my hearing. Is it dangerous? No, but don’t do it more than four times in a row. Who comes up with this stuff?

Have you ever had vertigo? I have, and it isn’t fun. One remedy for vertigo is the Epley Maneuver. It is miraculous. The maneuver requires moving one’s head and body in a specific sequence to shift the offending crystals in the ears. One day, Hubby took me to a local Doc in the Box as I had severe vertigo. Hubby joined the nurse in the treatment room and told her he had recently heard about the Epley Maneuver. She had never heard of it. They called up YouTube, learned to do it together, and treated me. Success! Hubby was the hero that day, and his testosterone level reached new highs.

We all spend time keeping our ears clean. Farm kids were frequently examined by their mothers to ensure their ears were clean. This wasn’t usually a wax issue, just fertile black soil. Wax is an entirely different matter. Why do we have earwax? It’s to keep the ear canal clean and trap insects! Did you know earwax grows at the same rate as a nail?

One time, Hubby and I tried ear coning or candling. I was at a flea market, and a vendor was selling hollow candle-like wax cones. Then what? Once home, you lay down on your side, stick the cone in your ear, and light it on fire—the cone, that is—not the ear! Supposedly, this causes the wax to soften and be drawn up and out through the cone. I can’t remember if it worked or not! Personally, I will stick with a Q-tip.

One piece of advice that has always left me dumbfounded is, “Don’t put anything bigger than your elbow in your ear!” What does that make one want to do immediately? Try to put your elbow in your ear! By the way, my pointy little elbows are about the same size as a Q-tip. If you don’t believe me, read my prior post describing how my bony elbow wore a hole in the arm of my LazyBoy.

Then there is sign language. Do you recall years ago when President Obama gave the eulogy to Nelson Mandela? A stranger stood up at the solemn service and used sign language to relay the words to people who were hard of hearing. It turned out it was a hoax – he didn’t know sign language! People who are deaf or hard of hearing realized it immediately but couldn’t shoo him politely off the stage. Why would he do that? Once a jerk, always a jerk! The only sign language I would use on him is inappropriate, as I strive to keep my posts clean.

How about lip reading? It’s not a great solution since so many of our English words sound similar, and the lip reader can understand only 40% of the words being spoken. This can cause misunderstandings. For example, George H. W. Bush said, “Read my lips. There will be no new taxes.” Well, there were new taxes, so America must not have read his lips correctly.

Hearing loss is not a laughing matter. While my peer and I were giving a hearing test to a young man as part of our academic training, our stomachs started to growl quite loudly. When we realized he could not hear the growling, we felt sad.

Recently, Hubby and I watched a movie called Coda. It is a heartwarming story about a hard-of-hearing family, except for their daughter, who wants to be a singer. I highly recommend it. I shed a few tears, but not wanting to wallow in sadness, I will end this post with a joke about hearing.

An elderly gentleman had serious hearing problems for several years. He went to the doctor, who fitted him with the latest hearing aids that allowed him to hear perfectly.

A month later, the elderly gentleman returned to the doctor for a follow-up. After a brief examination, the doctor said, “Your hearing is still 100%. Your family must be pleased that you can hear again.”

The gentleman replied, “I haven’t told my family yet. I just sit around and listen to their conversations. I’ve changed my will three times!”

Please let me HEAR your comments on this delicate life subject. I appreciate them, and so do our readers!