Recline or Decline?

Hubby and I just got new recliners. Our shopping adventure for these new chairs was true to our historical tradition of shopping together. As always, Step One was convincing Hubby that we needed new recliners. Ours are ten years old, and although the manufacturer says they should last 20 years, that is if you never actually sit in them. After more research, I found that ten years is the average life expectancy of a recliner.

Although a famous top brand, my ten-year-old leather recliner had a hole in the leather where my left elbow rests. Hubby asked me how that could have happened. It happened because I have sharp elbows. Of course, he thought that was ridiculous. Then I reminded him that when I cut his toenails, I would often rest my pointy elbow on his shin to get in a position to attack my targets. Once, I focused intensely on a tough nail, and my pointed elbow started digging harder and harder into his poor shin.

Now, he’s not a crybaby, but he winced in pain and demanded I remove my sharp elbow. Reminding him of that episode, he suddenly realized that my elbow could indeed pierce leather. You may wonder why the tear happened only on the left side and not the right. That is because the end table is on my left side, where the snacks, drinks, and TV remote are located, so I tend to lean heavily in that direction.

Growing up poor and being firmly committed to function over form, Hubby counseled me to cover the small tear with duct tape of the same color. Being frugal myself, I wasn’t opposed to that idea, but I could not find the right color. Hubby said he would try to find some, but after a while, he admitted failure.

Then I decided to try shoe polish. No, the tear was too big. With all my rubbing, I just made it worse. I also ended up getting shoe polish all over my elbow. Gorilla Glue was used in my next attempt to repair the tear. That is not as ridiculous as it sounds, as the leather was somewhat malleable. If successful, once glued, it would look like a crepe—you know—how an elderly person’s skin looks?

So, I tried gluing it by holding the material together with my fingers—a disaster—I only succeeded in gluing my fingers together. Once I recovered from that bungled effort, I tried holding the leather with a plastic bread clip and then squeezing the glue onto the fabric. No luck! I ended up gluing the clip to the material, leaving the gap in the leather intact.

Trying to be helpful, Hubby asked if I had any doilies to cover it up! That’s what his dear old mother always did. NO! NO! NO! Yes, I am a senior citizen like his mother would have been, but I refuse to use doilies. I once mentioned doilies to a millennial, and she had no idea what I was talking about. I tried to explain it to her, but I realized one had to see a doily to get the whole picture.

So, I was making progress with Hubby, but it was slow. Step Two was to start researching recliners on Amazon. That’s when I discovered the clincher to get Hubby to agree to new recliners. I casually mentioned some features of the latest recliners to him. “Did you know there are now power recliners? Some even have a massage feature and a heating element. Some have a remote that lets you adjust the chair in different positions.” I was getting his attention. “Wow!” I said, “ Some of the better recliners even have a lift feature that raises you completely, so all you have to do is stand up.” Yes! He was starting to pay even more attention to me now. He began researching recliners on his own.

Then, one day, out of the blue – Step Three! He said he thought it was time to get new recliners. He said that our kids and friends all have the latest power recliners. Why don’t we? Don’t we deserve them? Of course we do, I said demurely. I was all set to order the recliners from Amazon. Hubby said no, wanting to sit in one before spending so much money. I reminded him he had just bought our office chairs without sitting in them. He said there was a big difference between an office chair and a power recliner. Yes, dear. Whatever! This was not an argument worth pursuing.

So, we went to the furniture store. True to form, I was cautioned not to say anything because if the salesperson thinks I really must have it, he won’t give us the best price. I got a few more strategic instructions, but I don’t recall them. At this vast furniture store, we sat in recliner after recliner. The massage recliners could have been better at massaging – nothing to match the massage chairs at nail salons. The lift chairs do lift one out of the chair, but it’s nerve-racking. What if you accidentally touch the wrong control and get flung out of the chair whether you want to or not? Also, the only leg and upper arm exercise we get is lifting ourselves out of our recliners.

Finally, we found nice leather recliners that had adjustable lumbar support. When Hubby asked me if I liked them, I reminded him I was not supposed to say anything. I will not describe the look he gave me. The style of recliners we liked came in two colors—dark brown and ice. Ice? What is ice? Ice is white. NO—ice will not work for us—we tend to swill! This store did not have the brown recliners in stock, but a warehouse had them, and they could be delivered to us within two weeks.

So, do these power recliners come with a battery? No, there’s a cord you plug into an electric outlet. Is delivery free? Yes, but the chairs are left outside your front door in large boxes and are unassembled. Who’s going to bring them into the house? They are heavy and cumbersome. For an extra fee, the delivery team will bring the chairs into the house, assemble them, and take the cardboard cartons away. Under no circumstances will they take the old chairs away. Okay, we agree. All the paperwork was completed, and the credit card was charged.

Our recliners are in the middle of the room—not against a wall. So, what do you do with that power cord? That’s easy. We will get a rug to cover the cord running from the chair to the nearest outlet. Now we have one more action item – picking out that rug. We have beautiful hardwood floors, and I hate covering them up, but I don’t want to look at a cord running across the floor. I wanted to shop for a rug, but we ordered it from Amazon instead. Agreeing on the type and color of the rug wasn’t easy. We decided we would each select three rugs we liked and then compare them. I leaned more toward a modern design with muted brown colors. Hubby wanted brighter colors with a traditional design. We finally agreed on a rug with some color in it and a Southwestern motif. We got it, and we are both happy!

Finally, the big day arrived – the new recliners were delivered. They are beautiful and comfortable. The lumbar support is a definite plus. The chair can be programmed with the remote to your preferred position. The cord is hidden under the rug. We didn’t get any of the other special features. The massage wasn’t appealing, and since we live in the desert, a cooling feature would have been more desirable than a heat feature.

Now, what do we do with the old chairs? That should not be a problem. I called several places to donate them and found they charge to pick them up! Hubby suggested we try to sell them. That didn’t appeal to me. Surely someone could use them. Finally, I came up with three places to pick them up for free. I got a real person after several phone calls and leaving several messages. Yes. They would pick them up – in three weeks. THREE WEEKS! Can we live with four recliners in our house for three weeks? We could theoretically, but it’s not good feng shui!

My cleaning lady said she would take them and her husband would pick them up, but he never showed up. Friends told me the gardeners or other local workers in our neighborhood would love to have them. We couldn’t take them out to the curb for anyone to see, so we decided we might have to start flagging workers down.

When I returned home from my walk one morning, a roofer’s truck was parked in front of my house. Great! I will ask them if they want the chairs. Just then, two husky roofers walked out our front door carrying one of the old recliners! Hubby had beat me to it! Now the old chairs are gone. The new ones are in their place.

I did some research about recliners. It turns out the French invented them in the 15th century. Napoleon III was the first person known to own one. The French army found recliners especially useful for their wounded soldiers as they convalesced. As time passed, more and more improvements were made to recliners—footrests, for instance, rockers, swivels, and on and on—I rave. One thing piqued my interest. A guy named Caldemayer made the most improvements to recliners and also helped design the interiors for the Gemini, Apollo, and Mercury capsules for NASA. In all, he obtained 300 patents for improvements to recliners.

That pretty much sums up my rave about recliners. I’m now reclining in a pre-programmed comfortable position with the remote resting in my lap if I decide to adjust the recliner one way or another, watching TV, sipping a glass of wine, and occasionally reaching for a snack. I am using great care where I place my pointy elbow.

What a befitting way to begin the Labor Day Weekend!

Do you like recliners? Have any special features on yours? Please let me have your comments. Our readers love them!