The past few weeks have been sad for me. Three people I was close to have departed this earth. I have known two of them for years and am sorry they are gone. The third person is someone I have never met, and I will miss him the most.
This fellow became part of my daily life. How could that be? He was a friend on Facebook. His name was Buz Hitchcock. I visualized him in my mind as the Willie Nelson type. Reading the outpouring of loving posts from his friends and Facebook followers upon his demise brought tears to my eyes.
From Buz’s posts, I knew he had a daughter and granddaughter. I did not realize until after his death that he was an artist and had an active post on fineartamerica.com. It was that website that described his life.
Some time ago, it said, Buz was bitten by a spider, inducing a massive stroke. He could no longer paint. That was when he was introduced to computers and eventually to social media platforms like Facebook. At first, his hand shook so badly that he had to tape the mouse to his hand. Over time, Buz developed many other health issues, including the need for a prosthetic leg.
Buz posted almost daily. He always made me laugh. Most of his posts were one or two-line groaners. I shared them with Hubby, and he also guffawed. My comments to his jokes were: Are you crazy? Where do you get this stuff? That is the most ridiculous thing I ever heard! And on and on, I raved. Getting my daily dose of sarcasm out of the way was refreshing. He always responded to me in a friendly, positive way and even became a subscriber to RobertaRaves.com. I called Buz my Facebook boyfriend. His groaners brought back many fond memories of slapstick comedy. Following are some of his “groaners!”
I told my girlfriend to meet me at the gym, and she didn’t show up. That’s when I knew that we weren’t going to work out.
I once dated a girl with a twin. People asked me how I could tell them apart. It was simple. Jill painted her nails purple, and Bob had a mustache.
When my girlfriend said to stop impersonating a flamingo, I had to put my foot down.
I have a pen that can write underwater. It can write other words, too.
I broke up with my moonshiner girlfriend. But I love her still.
Always remember you’re unique, just like everyone else.
Some of my worst decisions were very well thought out.
I accidentally ate cat food once …. Don’t ask meow.
My girlfriend works at the zoo. I think she’s a keeper.
I found a body in the trunk of my car today, which is disturbing – because I remember leaving two in there.
When I was a kid, my parents could only afford a secondhand calculator, which was missing the ‘X’ button. Times were hard.
Broke a mirror the other day. That’s seven years of bad luck. My lawyer thinks he can get me five.
As a kid, I wanted to run away and join the circus…. my dad said he would drive me.
Excessive use of commas was once considered a crime, usually resulting in a long sentence.
I have a pencil that used to belong to William Shakespeare. He chewed it a lot, so now I can’t tell if it’s 2B or not 2B.
Two silkworms had a race – they ended up in a tie.
Yesterday, I accidentally swallowed some food coloring. The doctor says I’m okay but feel like I’ve dyed a little inside.
Suicidal cannibals are always so full of themselves.
She said, “That’s your third beer.” I said, “Hey, mind your own business and finish your breakfast.”
My girlfriend’s birthday is coming up, and she’s been leaving jewelry catalogs around everywhere. I got her a magazine rack.
I have a nagging, paranoid feeling that my dictaphone is close to full capacity. Maybe I’m just reading too much into it.
29% of pet owners let their pets sleep on the bed with them. I tried it, and my goldfish died.
I just read that a radical section of the woodworker’s union has broken away and formed a splinter group.
I found a rock today that was 1760 yards long… it must be some kind of milestone.
You’re ten times more likely to die when your girlfriend says, “I’m fine” than when you are flying on an airplane.
Everyone has heard of Karl Marx. But no one remembers his sister, Onya, who invented the starting pistol.
The first time I got a universal remote control, I thought to myself…”This changes everything.”
It’s like my mom always told me…..”You might not be the dumbest guy in the world, but you better hope he doesn’t die.”
Do pigs really use soap, or is that just hogwash?
I hated being a taxi driver. There was too much talking behind my back.
A few years ago, I told a terrible joke about a ghost. It still haunts me to this day.
My balloon elephant wouldn’t fit in the back seat of my car, so I had to pop the trunk.
I went out drinking at the bar last night – and took a cab home – I’m trying to figure out what to do with the cab in my garage.
Once, I wrote a sitcom about airplanes. It never took off. The pilot was terrible.
I saw an older man walking down the sidewalk with a pet clam on a leash! I thought….”It must be hard walking with a pulled muscle.”
I WRITE ALL MY JOKES IN CAPITALS. THIS ONE WAS WRITTEN IN PARIS.
I’ve got no home…I haven’t got control….I can’t see any escape…It’s way past the time I got a new keyboard.
I hope when I inevitably choke to death on gummy bears, people just say bears killed me and leave it at that.
My password’s been hacked. That’s the third time I’ve had to rename the cat.
My gene pool could use a little more chlorine.
I once lived just a stone’s throw away from a family who all died of mysterious head injuries.
I passed out right onto the luggage carousel at the airport. I slowly came around.
I heard about these new corduroy pillows that are making headlines.
My girlfriend threw some Omega 3 capsules at me today. It’s okay, though I only have super fish oil injuries.
I tried to sue the airport for losing my luggage. I lost my case.
I can’t believe I forgot to go to the gym today. That’s seven years in a row now.
Today, I learned that writer Stephen King had a son named Joe. I’m not joking, but he is.
My first job was working in an orange juice factory, but I got canned. I couldn’t concentrate.
The highlight of my trip to the zoo was seeing an antelope. I’d never seen an insect run off to get married before.
I have a car that only moves if the driver is silent. It goes without saying.
I’ve got this awful disease where I can’t stop telling airport jokes. My doctor says it’s terminal.
My visual hallucinations are getting worse…. At least now I’m seeing a doctor.
I tried starting a business recycling chewing gum but couldn’t get it off the ground.
I had a big argument with my washing machine today – I conceded as I ended up throwing in the towel.
If chameleons did their job better, we wouldn’t know about the existence of chameleons.
I lost my paper towels. I think I need a Bounty hunter.
I’m addicted to ordering hatchets from other countries because of the smell. I just love foreign axe scents.
The Middle Ages were called the Dark Ages because there were too many knights.
When tempted to fight fire with fire, always remember the fire department usually uses water.
I made a mistake ….. I thought I registered for a clown school…., but it turned out to be a clone school. Now, I am beside myself.
I took my girlfriend out for cookies and tea. She wasn’t pleased about having to donate blood, though.
Why do meteors always land in craters?
Last night, my girlfriend complained that I never listen to her….or something like that.
I walk around my yard with a fake ankle monitor so my neighbors won’t ask me to watch their kids.
My friends tell me that cooking is easy, but it’s not easier than not cooking.
I was visiting my daughter last night when I asked if I could borrow a newspaper. “This is the 21st century,” she said. We don’t waste money on newspapers. Here, use my iPad.” I can tell you this: that fly never knew what hit him.
At my age, a trail of clothes leading to the bedroom just means I dropped them on the way from the dryer.
Time is what keeps things from happening all at once.
A girl agreed to go out with me after I gave her a bottle of tonic water. I “Schwepped” her off her feet.
I hope you enjoyed some of these groaners and had a chuckle or two. There will be no more posts from Buz, and I will miss him! You never know who will touch your soul and brighten your day. Your comments on this post are welcomed and appreciated!
12 Comments
Several of them made me LOL!
He was my brother and we were very close. I loved his humor and kindness the most. Thank you for your kind words. I will miss him forever
Thank you. I miss him too.
Loved them! Bring on more! Sorry for your loss!
Good humor! Most new to me & some exceptionally cute!
These are so funny! Thanks for the morning chuckles. We can always use a laugh. I know you will miss your friend.❤️
😆🥰😘
Reminds me when life was much simpler!
Thanks for reminding me to call my best friend 😊
I laughed at most and some I thought oh I’v heard this one, enjoy. Love the
posts Roberta. Keep em coming.
Loved these!
Thanks for the chuckles.
Funny. Brightens the day.