I recently watched a documentary that piqued my interest. It was about hippos in Columbia. Turns out they have become a major nuisance. How did they get there in the first place? Aren’t hippos supposed to be in Africa?
In 1990, notorious drug lord Pablo Escobar wanted his home country of Columbia to have an exotic wildlife zoo. He purchased four hippos for that zoo. Today, those original four animals have grown to a “bloat” of over 200 hippos and have invaded the important Magdalena River. [It may seem comical (and a bit insensitive), but a group of hippos is called a bloat!]
The hippos love it there and are thriving. They have all they want to eat and drink, which, in their case, says a lot! Each hippopotamus eats 110 pounds of native plant life and chugs down 56 gallons of water daily. That’s why some males are up to 16 feet long and weigh 9000 pounds. At a petite height of only 5’2”, their BMI (Body Mass Index) must be pretty spectacular.
Why don’t the local Colombians like the hippos? Because they are very aggressive foragers. Statistically, hippos are responsible for more African deaths than large cats like lions and panthers. They are also mean-tempered and highly territorial. Finally, they are constantly pooping in the formerly pristine Magdalena River, and the fish don’t like it. And if the fish don’t like it, the fishermen don’t like it. The hippos make it difficult for them to make a decent living.
So what to do? A few years ago, an overly aggressive hippo was killed, and a photograph of the martyred animal was plastered all over Colombian media. The bleeding hearts [they have them there, too] went wild, so the government made it illegal to kill them. However, that law may soon be rescinded due to the public’s rising aversion to the rampaging, intrusive hippos. They are getting fed up [the people – not the hippos] and want something done about them soon.
Can you deport 200 unwanted hippos back to their native Africa? Are you kidding me? How would you capture them all? How would you ship them? Plane? Boat? Think of the logistics involved. These animals are enormous – and since they drink and eat so much – there would be a significant by-product generated along the way. No, shipping them back to Africa isn’t a viable option for the Colombians.
Sterilizing them may be an option. The females have a calf every two years, so “fixing” the male hippo would solve that problem. However, he must first be captured and emasculated to do the deed. It’s challenging since the male hippo’s stuff doesn’t hang out like the males of most other species. It remains tucked inside him and doesn’t always stay in the same place! Therefore, hippo genitalia specialists must go along on the hippo hunt. The entire process could cost millions and take decades.
The more I thought about possible solutions, the more I decided that the hippos should just be eaten – since the government is on the verge of allowing them to be killed anyway. Some say they look kinda like a giant pig, so just imagine one turning slowly, roasting on a giant spit! That would be a real crowd-pleaser at a tailgate party – or a backyard BBQ.
I did some research on eating hippos. Folks swear hippo meat is some of the best-tasting meat ever – even better than lamb or beef. I am happy to learn they don’t taste like chicken. One would think they are full of blubber – but as it turns out, they are mainly muscle. That makes sense – they can run up to 20 miles an hour.
Naysayers think eating hippos is a bad idea as they are almost impossible to domesticate and keep in a corral – and they eat and drink so much. Well, I wasn’t thinking of domesticating them like we do cows. I was thinking of hunting them. Wouldn’t it be quite an adventure sport? Can you imagine a hippo’s head stuffed and hanging over your fireplace? Because they are so huge the amount of meat generated by one hippo could feed a small village or a football stadium.
They seem to survive quite well, left to their own devices out in the wild. And since they wouldn’t be that easy to hunt down – the chances of them ever being fully exterminated would be slim.
Of course I won’t ask vegetarians if they think eating them is a good idea. Conversely, pescatarians may embrace this solution as hippos are not friends with their food favorite – fish. Then again, vegetarians may be okay with it, too, since one hippo eats 110 pounds of plants a day – cutting into their favorite food source, too. If you think eating hippos is a weird idea, you don’t realize how many bizarre foods there are in the world. I can guarantee that some of them will suppress the healthiest of appetites. Here are some really odd items:
Haggis – A Scot’s favorite: sheep’s heart, liver, and lungs minced and mixed with onions, oatmeal, suet, salt and spices cooked inside the animal’s stomach.
Tripe – stomach lining – I tried it once – GAG!
Tuna Eyeballs – supposedly taste like squid or octopus – yeah, but what utensil would you use to eat them? Do you just pop them in your mouth?
Spam – are you kidding me? That’s one of Hubby’s favorites, but that speaks for itself. I can’t wait to see his expression when he reads this. [Editor’s Note: I love my spam.]
Hakari is the rotting carcass of a Greenland basking shark. Anthony Bourdain said it was the worst, most terrible-tasting thing he had tried – and he had tried some bizarre stuff.
Surstromming – Baltic Sea herring fermented with salt to prevent it from rotting. It usually needs to be eaten outside because it stinks so bad! It makes the perfect picnic fare!
Stinkheads – fermented head of a king salmon.
Grasshoppers – supposedly, insects are the food of the future. I have never tried them and probably never will.
Wasp Crackers – biscuits filled with wasps – I hope the wasps are dead!
Fried Spider – hey, it has more meat than a grasshopper!
Witchetty Grub – can be eaten raw and tastes like almonds or cooked like roast chicken. [Why do so many foods insist on tasting like chicken?]
Escamol – insect caviar – edible larvae and pupae ants.
Beondegi – boiled or steamed silkworm – tastes like wood – why not just eat your toothpick?
Escargot – snails cooked in their shells with white wine, garlic, and butter – a favorite of Hubby’s and mine!
Sago Delight – grubs – creamy tasting when raw – like bacon when cooked.
Stink Bugs – used to flavor stews – or if eaten on their own taste like an apple. When boiled, the stink hurts one’s eyes, competing with onions.
Mopane Worms – dried, rehydrated, and cooked in a tomato or chili sauce. Tastes like honey barbecued chicken. [At least the chicken is barbecued this time!]
Bird’s Nest Soup – from the nest of the swiftlet bird, which is held together by their gummy saliva. Do you suppose Campbell’s Soup will ever market this one?
Fugu – sashimi made from pufferfish – can be deadly if prepared incorrectly – I’ve made things that could have been deadly a few times – just ask Hubby!
Steak Tartare – raw ground beef with seasonings – It’s delicious!
Cherry Blossom Meat – horse meat – makes that hippo meat sound better already.
Frog legs – [One more thing that tastes like chicken.]
Kangaroo – high in protein – low in fat – and very gamey.
Crocodile – a cross between chicken and crab – I will stick with crocodile shoes and purses!
Southern Fried Rattlesnake – covered in flour and breadcrumbs and tastes like frog legs or chicken! [Why don’t people say something tastes like Southern Fried Rattlesnake?]
Guinea Pig – served roasted – tastes like rabbit. Bleeding hearts have a problem eating them – but don’t seem to object to them being used for critical medical tests and experiments.
Rocky Mountain Oysters – bull testicles – I tried them once – but never again.
Balut – duck embryo boiled alive in its shell – no thanks!
Dragon in the Flame of Desire – a yak’s penis – served on a large platter – supposedly a famous dish in Tibet. I suppose the size of the serving platter could stimulate some interesting table talk!
Shirako – a cod’s sperm sac – soft and creamy – steamed or deep fried.
Cobra Heart – creature slit in front of you, and the heart is placed in a shot glass of its own blood – eaten while it is still beating – not for me! Come on – have a heart! Hee! Hee!
Casu Marzu – maggot cheese – sheep’s milk containing live insect larvae. They may jump out, get in your eyes, survive the stomach, and burrow in your intestines. Why order this? Why?
Ying-Yang Fish – deep fried and kept alive – diners prod it while eating it to make it move as it struggles to breathe. Talk about fresh seafood!
Sannakji – tentacles off a baby octopus – served while still wiggling – they could choke you!
Drunken Shrimp – dipped in liquor and served while live – always eat the head first! [I would have to be drunk to do that!]
I end this delectable list of the world’s most bizarre foods with a special coffee to top off your meal!
Kopi Luwak – the world’s most exclusive and expensive coffee due to its unusual production process. It’s produced from coffee beans which the Indonesian civet cat has partially digested and then excreted. Now I ask you, does Starbucks need to worry?
I am delighted that my personal weird food – lutefisk – a Minnesota favorite – cod soaked in lye, boiled, and covered in melted butter – didn’t make this list. Yum!
Do you have a weird food item to add to the list – or an experience with one to share? Readers appreciate your comments – and so do I!
6 Comments
Some of these make Lutefisk seem like dessert!
OKRA should be on that list! But a seared/grilled SPAM & mayo sandwich is a must!
I’ve had several of the foods you listed:
–Escamol in Mexico City. We were told that they were ant eggs. Had them in an omelet, but they had pretty much no taste.
–Alligator, at the long defunct Spettro restaurant in Oakland. Tastes like a very mild whitefish.
I would assume that crocodile tastes the same.
–And yes, I have had Kopi Luwak, aka, “weasel poop coffee.” I’ve even ordered it from Amazon. Tastes like regular coffee, but like really good coffee!
–In VietNam in 2017, I saw a market selling fried scorpions on a stick. I passed.
Interesting post.
Yes, I’ve had several of these, or at least variations. Fugu prepared 7 different ways at a fugu restaurant in Tokyo. Live red snapper sliced into sashimi and served with the twitching skeleton in front of you. Then skeleton is deep fried so you pick off the rest of the flesh and eat the crunchy small bones. Fried grasshoppers at a Oaxacan restaurant in DC. Snake blood and bile shots in Snake Alley in Taipei. Luwak coffee in Bali. The taste wasn’t so different to justify the price. The list goes on. Spam is too common to be on the list. I’m sure someone, somewhere eats hippo.
Having traveled the globe, dipped into a few of these ‘delicacies’ at one time or another.
#fugu (yes, I survived)
#ying-yang (Raw [not deep-fried] with gills still a-pumping, struggling to live, while on display as entree’
Thankfully, totally over all of that. Show me a well-mixed steak tartar & I’m good to go.