Hubby is on a diet – again! In the 33 years we’ve been together he’s been on at least 33 diets! Why? Because it usually takes him about 6 months on some diet or another to get to his desirable weight – and then 6 months to gain it back on the Seafood diet – he sees food then he eats it!
Is this fair to me? NO! Why don’t I diet with him? I’m not exactly slender – In fact I may be a bit chunky. However, my weight has remained the same – year after year! [Editor’s Note: Hah!] I fully accept the body shape that I’ve been given! The more I think about a food I’m not supposed to eat – the more I become obsessed with eating it! Left to my own devices, I just eat when I’m hungry. What’s wrong with that?
So I try hard to accommodate the chronic dieter in the family. One day he asked me to make tuna salad. I found two small cans of tuna in oil in the pantry. All the tuna salad recipes I found called for using tuna canned in water. Why then do they even have oil-based tuna? According to Bon Appetit Magazine, “If your tuna is in water, all the flavor of your tuna is in that water. Oil-packing, on the other hand, seals in the tuna flavor and gives you some luxurious fat to work with.” Okay, so I go ahead and make the tuna salad with the oil-based tuna.
Hubby was delighted and raved about the delicious flavor. The next time I made a tuna salad for him, however, all I had was water-based tuna. He gave it a dismal rating of 5 on a scale of 10. He asked me in the future to please taste any tuna salad I make to see if it tastes good. I say, “I DO NOT LIKE TUNA!” So he says, “I know that – but you can at least just taste it to determine if it tastes good.” I exclaim, “YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND, TUNA NEVER TASTES GOOD TO ME!”
I wish he would just forget about food, weight and diets – but he won’t. I love him no matter what he weighs! I miss him sharing a glass of wine with me at our happy hour. Of course, I still drink my wine – but watch him drink warm lemon water from his Tommy Tippy Cup. Somehow my glass of wine isn’t as enjoyable!
I’m always doing stupid things – but even more so lately it seems. I blame Hubby’s diet! So what silly thing have I done lately? We have two doors to our garage. A small one for the golf cart. A large one for the car. What did I do? After driving in with the golf cart last week, as I went into the house, I apparently pushed the button to open the car garage door rather than the button to close the golf cart door! Hearing the sound of a door moving, I don’t even look back. So what’s the big deal? The big deal is that both garage doors stayed open all night long. There’s some – but not a lot of – theft in our neighborhood. Luckily, I don’t think anything got stolen – nothing that I noticed anyway. The roving HOA security guard apparently phoned twice late that evening to notify us our garage doors were both open – but we didn’t answer the phone! Why? It must be a “robo” call we figure – no one else ever calls us after 9 PM!
Now, to the crux of the disaster. That night was one of the windiest, dustiest, weather events of the year – a HABOOB! (The official meteorological name for a severe desert dust or sandstorm.) Everything in the garage was covered in a layer of fine desert sand. Our beautiful autumn shimmer [brown] car was now a dingy, dusty beige. The garage walls, the floor, the counters, the golf cart, the golf clubs, and all the other paraphernalia was coated. A DISASTER!
Could I blame this on someone else? Did someone drive by and operate their door openers with both door codes being the same as ours? Not likely! No, I do take full responsibility. Is it because I am aging? I was pondering this blow to my already fragile ego while washing off the car in the driveway. A young woman walked by with her dog. She empathized, “I left both my garage doors open the other day too!” So it isn’t my age. I must not be getting enough carbs due to Hubby’s Keto diet!
Despite my weakened, malnourished state, I eventually managed to rid the garage and all of its contents of most of the dust. However, I don’t think it will ever be the same! While I was hosing the dust and debris from the garage driveway down into the street gutter – as luck would have it – the weekly street-cleaning truck was coming down the street. Hooray! I waved him down and asked if he would wait until I was finished but he said he had to keep going! Oh well! The street isn’t my problem!
Perhaps my problem is the pills I take. I take a lot of pills – most are prescriptions – some are vitamin supplements. My pharmacy reminds me when it is time to get my prescriptions refilled – and I really appreciate that service. The other pills are up to me to reorder as needed. Of course, I have a pill box and fill it weekly. I always put any empty pill bottles next to my computer to remind me to order them. Once I order the refills online – I throw the empty bottle away. Great system, right? What could possibly go wrong? Well, a supplement refill arrives in the mail and what did stupid me do? I put it next to my computer – instead of in the medicine chest! Guess what? I accidentally threw that bottle away too! So when I went to fill my pill box I was missing the supplements! Of course it isn’t life or death! Just the same – my doctor says I should take them because I am slightly anemic and have low electrolytes. Could it be Hubby’s diet?
One thing I have always loved to do is go to Costco! But it isn’t fun anymore. Almost everything I used to buy is now a Keto taboo! Their delicious Italian Sausage Lasagne is also frowned upon so I sighed as I walked by it without putting it in the cart. Bacon is apparently okay – as it’s considered Keto. I bought it even though I didn’t really want it. A sense of rebellion is rising within me!
I spent more time than usual in the aisles with the paper products and cleaning products. I didn’t really need anything. If you don’t eat – what is there to clean up? NOTHING! There was aisle after aisle of snacks. It wasn’t easy maneuvering the cart around them. None really appealed to me. Their packaging screamed of Keto this and Keto that – vegan this and vegan that – no salt this and low salt that – and on I rave! I almost had a stroke when I saw bags of kale chips with the very popular Pringles label!
Nuts are okay – some anyway! Cashews compliment Hubby’s tuna salad. He orders almonds from Amazon. I’ve given up my favorite nut – macadamias – on my own. Although healthy – there are over 962 calories in a cup! That sort of puts the kibosh on the joy of eating them! I guess I will just stick with the free peanuts that are available in the HOA card room! I did cave in when I got to the Costco candy section. I bought a bag of chocolate almond bark. They haven’t had it in months! I hid it in the pantry and plan on sneaking a piece every now and then!
Then there was the ever-popular Costco grazing. I missed it so much during the pandemic. Somehow it isn’t the same though. One vendor was offering a nibble of oatmeal. It looked good! It wasn’t! It was cold! Gag! Flavored water was offered. Vegan hamburgers didn’t taste that good to me. The turkey bacon wan’t bad – but not great either. Many of the vendors weren’t at their stations -they were standing around talking to other vendors! There was a sampling of diet drinks! – Just what I need – more diet stuff!
No, Costco has lost its allure for me. So what to do? What I usually do when I am desperate is to watch people. I found it quite entertaining – almost as much fun as watching people at Walmart! Fortunately Hubby’s diet will end soon – and my life can get back to normal – or I may just abandon his diet today and become a desserter!
Any diet stories or opinions on diets to share with our readers? Your comments are important – and always appreciated!
8 Comments
Yikes, diets, schmiets! I recently saw a picture of Goldie Hawn in a bathing suit and I’m happy to say she looked her age. Of course, Kurt is still a hunk with tons of gray hair. My hair gets scragglier all the time and I may take up wearing wigs someday. I tried the Keto ‘melt-away’ method and I gained weight. Nothing works like that! I know it and everybody knows it, but we still think to ourselves. “Well, maybe this does work…” Eating less and exercising more (which I hate) is the only thing that works. Intermittent fasting works, too, but who can do that? I had to skip breakfast yesterday to complete my annual labs and felt I was being persecuted. Love your posts! Maybe we’ll see you again on a cruise someday!
Yikes Roberta, going thru *exact same thing* over here, in same real time.
Garage door glitch happened yesterday (jury’s still out on that). Then today, Hubs shopped, returned with bags of dedicated-Keto-approved supplies; new diet has officially arrived. As for acceptable Keto tuna, am informed only mustard is permitted (gag/barf).
So what’s a girl to do? Well, tonight’s was a yummy grilled cheese. Good luck with yours 😉
I also diet on occasion (I call it cleansing) & go back to the South Beach tried & true method. I must try warm water with lemon to substitute for my glass of wine on our back deck while we watch the neighbor’s cats show off! I hate turkey bacon and vegan anything! I’d rather do without! I think I gained 3 lb. on our 4-month cruise even though I ate what I wanted. But we did a lot of moving & I went to the gym every sea day!
Speaking of garages, we recently had a fun neighborhood garage sale prior to our house move. Oh, Lord, there’s still a big table of stuff out there in anticipation of another sale in a month or two. What a mess & I can’t get around to vacuuming it with all that clutter. Yesterday I pulled out the 2 huge garbage/recycle bins (that I call condos) & did the entry steps, took me an hour to do one corner! So the fall leaves & winter debris still fill the other 3 corners! Hubby’s version of cleaning the garage – getting out his big gas powered blower & blowing the dust everywhere!
Costco also has the best solid white tuna, comes in a 6-pack I believe. Our daughter bought it in S. Carolina last winter & I can’t wait to return. And I so much prefer the taste of tuna in oil over the tuna in water! But, when you’re dieting, well…..
Dieting. Seems I am always on a diet of some kind. But I want to be healthy and don’t want to buy new clothes either. Uffda.
I really enjoyed this
I, too, have pushed a button in the garage thinking I am closing one door, but instead was opening another. For some reason I went out to the garage before bedtime and discovered what I had done. I don’t think it is age!! I can’t be that old!! Maybe I am!
Could have been worse. It could have been 30 below!
I agree with the Keto stuff, I bought some Keto something supposed to melt
the fat away & will loose 29 lbs in a month BULL I think I gained weight. The
more I try things to loose weight the more I gain. S..t I have since cut down
on everything I put in my mouth and yes I have lost 6 lbs. Yea, not great but
it’s a start. Good luck you dieters!!!
I’m with you. Happy with my body even if it’s not so slim. I’m happy with my wife’s body too even if she thinks she needs to watch her diet. Must be time for another cruise so we can choose our own diets. I say I didn’t gain any weight on the World Cruise since I don’t know what I weighed when we started and never saw a need to get in a scale.