Observations

One of my greatest pleasures these days is simply observing—watching the world around me and listening to other people’s experiences. The wisdom that comes with age gives you a special perspective on what truly matters in your life and what’s crap and best ignored. A little humor along the way makes everything better.

Hubby shared a cute story with me the other day, and it was an eye-opener. He had to undergo a medical scan that required iodine to be injected into his veins. The young female technician preparing him for the procedure warned him that the iodine injection would make him feel warm all over. And it did. He immediately remarked, “Wow, I haven’t felt this way since I was fifteen and noticed girls for the first time!” Of course, he meant the visceral response to the opposite sex during adolescence. The naive technician responded. “Oh, so you had this procedure done when you were younger?” He just shook his head. “No, not exactly.”

Of course, Hubby was disappointed that his witty remark didn’t get the reaction he’d hoped for. When an older 50-something technician began the CT scan, he got a second chance. She also asked whether his body felt warm from the iodine. Undeterred, he repeated that he hadn’t felt that way since he was a lovestruck adolescent. Her response was the same. “Oh my. You had a CT scan as a teenager?”

It must be a generational thing. They had no clue what he was talking about. Maybe we seniors speak a different language.

Speaking of aging, every morning I look into my 8X magnifying makeup mirror, apply a range of products and procedures, and try to look presentable. Lately, I’ve noticed more and more brown spots. What should I do? I’ve heard about using lasers to remove these spots, but that’s expensive and painful. And I’m told if you keep going out in the sun, the spots may return. Living in the desert, I’m in the sun daily, even if it’s only to take out the garbage. So I agonize over what to do. Most of my friends don’t have great vision – definitely not 8X magnifying. Then again, who am I to think that anyone looks that close at me? Then I had an epiphany. Why not just put a dab of foundation on the spots? Yes! It works – little expense – absolutely no pain! Without the 8X magnifier, they look like freckles.

I keep coming across articles about how to improve your health and live longer. One article really caught my attention. It claimed that if you can stand on one leg for a minute every day, you’ll live longer. Who comes up with this stuff? If I try to stand on one leg and fall at my age, who knows what could happen? I doubt I’ll live longer! Falls are a leading cause of injury and death among adults 65 and older, with about one in four seniors falling each year. Many articles describe how to prevent falls, but none mention standing on one leg for a minute. The people who write this stuff are clueless! Please, readers, don’t try to stand on one leg for a minute!

Lately I’ve been thinking a lot about food. After a bout of acute diverticulitis, I have to pay close attention to what I eat. Now and then I get careless, and my digestive system reminds me it is no longer a garbage disposal. More than one slice of pizza is a “no-no.” Also, popcorn is not the joy it used to be for me. It can cause digestive issues. I read that theaters banned popcorn before the mid-1940s because chewing it was too loud and cleanup was a nightmare. Of course, that changed, but I can relate to how messy it is.

A few weeks ago, I had my usual bowl of popcorn while sitting in my Lazy Boy and watching TV. Since then, I’ve kept finding popcorn kernels in and around my chair. Yes, I’ve swept and vacuumed more than once, and the cleaning ladies have been here a few times, too. This morning, just when I thought it might be okay to have some popcorn, a kernel fell out of the chair right in front of me as I walked by. Is that an omen? I think I’ll wait before tackling popcorn again.

Recently, when I saw pictures of a friend’s young son, I noticed he was wearing his shoes backward. Another photo from his first day of kindergarten showed the same thing. Curious, I wondered why my friend didn’t correct him. She explained that her son’s left foot has six toes, so it’s more comfortable for him to wear the right shoe on that foot! That brought to mind a story from my past. My young son needed to wear corrective shoes with no designated right or left. They always looked like they were on the wrong feet. One day, while I sat in a waiting room holding him on my lap, a busybody pointed out that his shoes were on the wrong feet. Instead of explaining, I decided to switch his shoes to the other feet—those toddler shoes with white tops and many laces. It was a tricky feat (no pun intended), but I carefully swapped his shoes as the woman watched intently. When I finished, the shoes still looked like they were on the wrong feet. She looked puzzled, but I never told her they were corrective shoes.

One of my main chores is grocery shopping. It’s a great opportunity to watch people and learn things. The other day, I watched an elderly woman struggling to get out of her car. The dictionary entry for grandmother features her picture: slightly plump, glasses, a patterned blouse, loose slacks, gray short-permed hair, supportive athletic shoes, and a focused expression on her mission. As she walked by the shopping cart return rack, she stopped, pulled out a cart, and slowly shuffled into the store. I thought, what a nice person, considering all the knuckleheads who leave their carts helter-skelter in the parking lot. Could she really be that considerate, or was she just relieved to put her big purse in the cart so she didn’t have to lug it into the store? After watching her shop, I concluded she was considerate. She didn’t bump into anyone and politely took her turn in line. Her purchases weren’t extravagant—no alcohol or cigarettes, or even donuts! I told Hubby later, and he thought she probably just wanted the cart to lean on for stability, kind of like a walker. That’s what he did when his knee was acting up. He went on to say she would have been a model citizen if she had chosen a stray cart left in the parking lot instead of the cart return rack! See what I have to deal with?

A young worker at the checkout counter seemed new to bagging groceries, as the cashier kept giving her instructions. I guess baggers receive only minimal training. She mistakenly put my groceries in the wrong cart, apologized sincerely, and looked quite upset. I told her it was fine—any cart works. I felt sympathy for her. I remember trying to learn a new job when I was young. My first waitress job was a mess—I accidentally put sugar in the salt shakers and salt in the sugar bowls. Both came in large industrial containers, which might explain the mix-up. Maybe it was a good excuse, maybe not.

Well, life goes on, and whether I like it or not, some strange man always wants to show me how to do something. I was parking the car in a lot last week. Yes, I had to go back and forth a few times to straighten the car between the lines. I still didn’t succeed, and I couldn’t get out of the car. The cars on either side of me were parked right on the lines, making it a tight squeeze. So I backed up and parked in a different spot with no cars on either side. An elderly gentleman had apparently been watching this spectacle. The man came over and kindly warned me that most car accidents result from parking. He said he had been a parking valet in his youth and had extensive parking experience. He looked at me and said sagely, “Rather than pulling into the parking spot at an angle, you should always line up directly behind it and then drive straight in.” I was very polite and expressed my sincere gratitude. I was tempted to tell him I’ve been driving for 70 years and have never had a parking accident, but I bit my tongue. After thanking him, I started the car (which was already perfectly parked), backed straight out, then drove straight into the slot. He watched closely, nodded with a thumbs-up, and said, “Perfect!” It was probably the highlight of his day. It’s not every day one gets parking tips from a professional valet!

After leaving the car, I was lucky enough to find a penny on the street, something I hadn’t done in a long time. I recalled the folklore surrounding pennies. Finding one heads up is said to bring good luck, while finding one tails up means nothing will happen. I don’t remember which way the penny was facing, and now I can’t find it. I left it on my desk, but my cat played with it as a toy. Who knows where she hid it. I heard that the United States Mint has officially stopped producing pennies. The current administration passed the Common Cents Act because it costs 3.69 cents to produce a single one-cent coin. I’m not a mathematician, but the decision to stop making them makes cents to me! I’m told you should cash in your pennies because they are unlikely to gain collector value in the future. So, will I keep picking up pennies? You bet. If I bend over to pick one up and can stand back up, it’s definitely good luck. This makes more sense to me than standing on one leg for a minute!

One last thing. My diminishing hearing is beginning to affect the quality of my communications with Hubby. The other day I thought he said, “Our neighbor just got a new tattoo.”

“What?” I said. “She doesn’t have any tattoos!”

Scratching his head in amazement, as he often does these days, he said, “No, Roberta, I said she just got a new cat too!”

I began to wonder how many things we say to each other that are misheard and misconstrued. Maybe that’s a good thing. Curious, isn’t it?

I always appreciate your comments or questions. Our readers love hearing from you, and so do I!